Stop Forcing Politeness—Start Teaching Children to Trust Their Instincts
Many of us grew up in homes where manners were more important than boundaries. Where "being nice" mattered more than being safe. We were told to hug people we didn’t want to hug. To smile and say thank you when it felt forced. To ignore the inner alarm bells that went off around certain people — family members, friends of the family, even elders we were told to “respect” — because it was considered rude to speak up.
Let’s call this what it is: conditioning.
And it’s dangerous.
Teaching Children to Ignore Their Inner Voice
When we tell kids they must hug that cousin, sit on grandpa’s lap, or be polite to that friend of the family they find creepy — we’re not just asking for manners. We’re teaching them to override their own instincts.
We’re teaching them that:
Their discomfort doesn’t matter.
Other people’s feelings come before their safety.
Obedience is more important than intuition.
It’s rude to listen to your gut.
That programming doesn’t just disappear in adulthood. It follows us.
It shows up when we stay silent in uncomfortable situations.
When we tolerate abusive relationships.
When we question our gut because “they didn’t do anything that bad.”
When we don’t trust ourselves to walk away.
Politeness Should Never Be a Prerequisite for Protection
Let’s be real: kids know when something feels off.
Adults know too.
But we’ve been so programmed to prioritize appearances and feelings over energy and truth that we stop listening to ourselves. Or worse — we teach our children to do the same.
We say things like:
“Don’t be rude.”
“They’re just old-school.”
“Give them a hug. They mean well.”
“He didn’t mean it that way.”
Meanwhile, their spirit is screaming “No.”
Flip the Script: Teach Children to Trust Themselves
It’s time we stop raising children to be compliant and start raising them to be conscious.
Teach them to feel into the energy of people.
Teach them that it’s okay to say no.
That they don’t owe anyone a hug, a smile, or a conversation.
That discomfort is valid.
That safety is sacred.
Let them speak. Let them say what’s on their minds without filtering it through adult approval.
Because when a child learns to trust their inner voice early on, that voice doesn’t get silenced later.
The Creepy Uncle Problem (Yes, We’re Going There)
We’ve all heard it. “Just ignore him. That’s just how he is.”
That right there? That’s the systemic sickness that allows abuse to hide in plain sight.
Families protect image instead of truth.
They protect predators instead of children.
They silence voices to keep peace that isn’t even real.
No more.
We’re done normalizing toxic behavior.
We’re done teaching children to ignore predatory energy.
We’re done labeling it “grown folks’ business” when it directly affects a child’s safety.
It Starts With You
If you’re reading this and nodding your head, maybe it’s time to do some unlearning.
Ask yourself:
Where have I silenced my truth for the sake of politeness?
What instincts have I ignored to make someone else comfortable?
What would change if I encouraged honesty over obedience?
We can teach our kids to honor themselves — but only if we’re willing to do the same for ourselves.
Say What You Feel. Cross the Street If It Feels Off.
We’re not raising robots. We’re raising aware, sovereign, powerful humans.
So next time your kid says, “I don’t want to hug them,” don’t force it.
Validate it. Support it. Teach them that their body belongs to them.
That energy is real. And it’s okay to honor what you feel.
Final thought:
Say what you feel — exactly how you want to say it.
Teach your children to do the same.
Because truth isn’t rude.
It’s revolutionary.
Rightly and properly.
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