It’s Not a Money Block. It’s a Loyalty Wound.

For a long time, I thought I was doing something wrong.

I was doing the inner work. Showing up. Creating content. Giving value. Being consistent. And yet money wasn’t landing. Or it would land and be gone almost immediately. Like it slipped through my fingers before I could even feel it.

That messes with your head. And eventually with your heart.

Then I heard something that stopped me in my tracks.
“It’s not a money block. It’s a mother block.”

Not literally about your mother. But about attachment, loyalty, and what your nervous system learned early about love, safety, and belonging.

I realized something uncomfortable and freeing at the same time.

I am not afraid of failing.
I am afraid of what happens after I win.

When Success Feels Unsafe

Somewhere along the way, a quiet rule formed:

If I go too far, I’ll be alone.
If I shine too much, I’ll be judged or rejected.
If I outgrow the room, I lose connection.

So when things start to work, I slow down. I soften. I over explain. I make myself smaller or swing the other way and push too hard. I feel guilt when money flows easily. I tense up when things are going well.

After a win, there’s often a drop. A pit in the stomach. A feeling like I’ll be exposed as a fraud. Not because I am one, but because ease still feels suspicious.

This isn’t a mindset issue.
It’s a nervous system one.

Why Money Doesn’t Stay

Money hasn’t been leaving my life because I don’t know how to manage it.
It’s been leaving because part of me still believes that holding money means betraying someone.

Belonging was once tied to being useful. To fixing things. To carrying weight. To sacrificing. Struggle was familiar. Ease was not.

So the system learned:
Give it away. Spend it. Create a crisis. Restore the old balance.

That’s not irresponsibility. That’s conditioning.

The Four Ways Money Leaks

Once I stopped shaming myself, patterns became obvious. Most money leaks fall into four categories.

Loyalty leaks
Money leaves to preserve connection. Helping when it hurts. Staying level with others. Avoiding outgrowing relationships. Feeling guilty having more.

Fixer leaks
Money leaves to regulate other people’s emotions. Paying to solve problems that aren’t yours. Giving discounts, time, or energy without being asked. Feeling responsible for outcomes you don’t control.

Identity collapse leaks
Money leaves after success. Big win, then sudden expenses. Spending or giving right after money comes in. Feeling edgy when money sits still.

Worthiness punishment leaks
Money leaves to restore internal balance. High interest loans taken under pressure. Not renegotiating. Paying more than necessary. Quiet self punishment disguised as practicality.

Each one once served a purpose. None of them need to run the show anymore.

Practical vs Emotional Leaks

This part matters.

Some leaks are practical. Loans. Fees. Bad terms. Subscriptions. These need structure and strategy.

Others are emotional. Over giving. Explaining. Rescuing. Releasing money to avoid discomfort. These need boundaries and nervous system safety.

You can’t budget your way out of an attachment wound.

The 13 Day Reset

For the next 13 days, this is the anchor I’m working with:

I become aware of and gently close all energetic, emotional, and practical drains on my finances and resources.

Not aggressively. Not with shame. Gently.

Each day I ask one simple question:
Did money or energy leave today because it was aligned, or because I was trying to stay safe or liked?

No fixing. Just noticing.

And I’m practicing something radical for me.

Not explaining.

One sentence boundaries.
That doesn’t work for me right now.
I’m not available for that.
I’ve made a different decision.

Then I stop talking.

Explanation is a leak.

This Is the Real Work

This isn’t about becoming less generous.
It’s about stopping self abandonment.

It’s about teaching the body that success doesn’t equal isolation. That ease doesn’t equal danger. That I don’t have to suffer to belong.

Holding money may feel edgy at first. That doesn’t mean it’s wrong. It means an old loyalty contract is dissolving.

And that contract was never fair.

You are not broken.
You are not blocked.
You are loyal.

And loyalty can be renegotiated.

If this resonates, sit with it slowly. Let it land in your body, not just your mind. This is the kind of shift that changes everything, not overnight, but permanently.

You don’t need to fix yourself to receive.
You need safety to stay.

Support the Work and Join The Awakening Collective

If this reflection stirred something in you, you’re not alone.

The Awakening Collective is a live intention circle and grounding space where we slow down, regulate, and remember together. It’s not about fixing yourself or manifesting from force. It’s about safety, clarity, and alignment so what you’re calling in can actually stay.

We meet in shared presence, hold intentions with integrity, and practice closing the subtle leaks that drain our energy, resources, and sense of self. This is nervous system level work done in community, not in isolation.

If you feel moved to support this work, donations help keep The Awakening Collective accessible and allow us to continue offering these spaces without pressure or paywalls. Give what feels aligned. There is no obligation, only invitation.

If you’re ready to step into a space where you don’t have to explain, perform, or carry everything alone, you’re welcome here.

✨ Donate to support the work
✨ Join The Awakening Collective intention circles

Come as you are. Stay as long as you need.